07/15/2004 @ 03:15 PM: Last night I wrote a new song called "Maybe It's Better." It is a no-shame, straight-as-they-come pop song, but heartfelt nonetheless.
Though I haven't documented it much in my online posts, since early this year I've been going through something of a sentimental trip down memory lane--my entire life, that is. It wasn't until I found myself up late one evening this spring, listening to whatever cassettes still remained in the old case that once housed my 80s music collection, that I realized the trip was occurring chronologically. I have--in one form or another but not consciously--mentally revisited my entire life up to approximately age 18. This unforeseen voyage has manifested itself in numerous ways, inspired by items of pop culture of the times more than anything all that personal of a nature. What I've learned in just the past few days is that the journey is not limited to only my youth; I am now examining my early adult years the same as everything prior. Decisions and their consequences appear to me more clearly than ever, and hindsight does indeed paint a picture that is 20/20.
The lyrics for "Maybe It's Better" came to me while I was making a sandwich. They offer a mild sense of optimism about where I've landed despite what still feels like a constant struggle to overcome. I consider it to be almost a "part two" to a song I wrote a couple of months ago, titled "This Is Not How It Was Supposed To Be." That song focused on what seems like a massive onslaught of unfortunate and even terrible circumstances surrounding several of my friends and family. One can perhaps see my pattern of thought in the order the songs were written--being forced to deal with said circumstances and then doing whatever it takes to find optimism amidst it all.
Some have called it "Saturn Returns," others are convinced I'm just dealing with almost-30 kind of stuff. Whatever brought on my 2004 Christmas Carol-type mental ride (sans ghosts), it has made for some interesting perspective and inspired songwriting. I just hope that when this thing lands in the present it brings with it something good.